You are mine...

Can anyone help me..?
I think 'No'.
then should i speak of him to you?
what more?
but still I should, because he keeps on haunting me from day on...till dreadful dream i had, last night..
you know all these for sure. my heart scourges my conscience and should i start saying of him, a try...
shyly and hesitantly.. because you are endlessly more than merely the point of my life and now i realize that you are eternally hidden in the abysses of my nerves, in the lines of my flesh and what else?
but now i am afraid to say that u are the meaning of my life, because i'm betrayed by all..
friends whom i call my on laughed at my weaknesses...
none of them asked of my dream..
none of them came and knocked at my door in my sleep less nights...
now i ask myself, what was the goal of my wanderings?
the judgment of my sins..
the consecration of my actions..
the bitterness of my agony..
the source of my most "secret" joy..??
are u still my best friend?
the pain of my most lovable ones, are u still with my wickedness?
are u awaiting for me to come to you?
are u with my traditions, if not then why do i begin to speak to you?
will my address please you?
should i take my stand on the shore of your mercy?
should i place myself in wilderness of your love?
should i constrain to walk with you in Eden?
"Does my linen itches you.. was my kiss so hot?"
should i let my thoughts free from the prison of your existence?
why have u burnt my anger?
why have u kindled in me the flame of faith?
will u walk with me in the dark?
can i lie on your lap at sunset?
why have u... yet, with all my limitations called me...???
to be your priest?
am i worthy of that?
will you pass judgment when i stumble?
will you make me fit from my weakness?
will i be thrown away from my little hut of comforts?
will you make my friends to think of you than me..? my lord.
my doubts still goes on..my lover.!

my dream

Yaah....
It's my dream to live with them in the years yet to come...
to live like them, to share men my emotions, passions and anxieties...
to be like Ingmar Bergman, or like Michealangelo Antonioni or like Tinto brass....
to make some good movies, yes it will be the day.. when my first film come to the air that i may spell to the world that now you can't destroy me anymore.. then i will preserve some words to the people who would ask me "what are my intentions with my dreams — my aims". It is a difficult and dangerous question, and I usually give an evasive answer: I try to tell the truth about the human condition, the truth as I see it.

I always admire people who are going on, who have a sort of idea and, however crazy it is, are putting it through; they are putting people and things together, and they make something. I always admire this...

yes.. i know that i only wished to walk in circles, so limited by my own anxieties that can no longer distinguish between true and false, between the gangster's whim and the purest ideal.Regardless of whether I believe or not, whether I am a Christian or not, I would like to play my part in the collective building of the cathedral for god's sake..